~~This poem previously appeared in Alaska Quarterly Review (2011)
Grammar School
frames per second as bottomless, open as the holes in our desks
where the ink bottles weren’t, like the cloakroom without cloaks—just
parkas and yellow raincoats. Hands perpetually raised, the smell
of mimeographs redolent as our mothers’ perfume, violet fingers
quivering in the air. God shed your grace on me, which would be
the lavatory key, shackled to a wood brick bigger than a 7 year-old’s
hand, thighs, buttocks clenched against shame. And naps
at our amber waving desks on pillows of crossed arms, my soul
to keep, as the radiators, skeletal beneath the windows, sang
their hiss and clang lullaby. Waking, we tied on our thinking caps,
index fingers ready to march once more across the Weekly Reader,
to bushwhack through the dense green words,
fearful of ambush.
purple note, and each of the twenty-four frames a forspacious story,
until the projector, its young eaten, stutters to white, until Mrs. Boston,
roaming the aisles, would single out the one not seated
to teach us proper speech. “Where’s Antony ?” she’d ask, or “Where’s
Jerome?” and Denise, Deborah and “T,” falling like straight men,
hang men every time would point to the student clapping erasers
or standing startled at the pencil sharpener, and shout, proud
to know the answer to something, “There he go!” And Mrs. Boston,
hands on hips, would turn to us, smirking slightly and using
the double negative I found so thrilling—my white mother would have
slapped me for it—to correct: “I don’t see him going nowhere.
There he is,” she scolded. I knew the difference between the two verbs
but the lesson came too late for me, going always a substitute
for being in a life spent leaving: this classroom, this brotherhood,
this sea to shining, and Antony still
not nowhere.
*****